My vday.....nothing special...actually nothing at all

Dear blog,

I had an enjoyable evening with my childhood friend. We had dinner and did lots of catching up. I was surprised how much we growth from the naught, cute little Lydia and the full of nuisance Samuel to a beautiful young lady with a stable well paid job and still full of nuisance Samuel but now a more mature and probably better looking hahaha!!!!! You Ji Hui……. Anyway we did lots of talking and laughing about our past and we also gossip a bit about our batch of youths. Like who is attached to who and who like who those kind of stuff. Guess what we did next, all of sudden she felt the itch to fish and we went all the way to pasir ras fishing pond to kill that itch. Hahaha cant believe a girl will feel this way. So we went to the sure catch pond and paid 30 bucks to catch 3 fish( 10 bucks per fish is the rates). True enough the sure catch pond live up to its name and we managed 3 decent fish within an hour( mostly sea bass). We brought one of the fish to the nearby food centre and they streamed it hong kong style for us. It tasted superb. Nothing beats steam fresh fish. I guess both of us enjoyed the fishing and the fish too but of cos I enjoyed her company the most. I was quite surprised that those fish we caught really gave her a good run for our money. Ok the night ended when I sent her home and guess wat she gave an adidas perfume set with powder and etc. I was really happy cos I have not received such a nice gifts for along time. Hmmm….but I guess she makes a very good friend that I will like to treasure, someone who can share the same interest with me. However I ever tot of being together with her but I guess that is not quite possible cos it is just the feeling I guess. Just no feelings for her.

I always believe before u can even like someone, you must have at least some feelings for her. This feeling will then bring you on to liking her then finally loving her. I guess this feeling don’t come easy for me. So far I had only feelings for 3 girls and all 3 were my girlfriend once. However the 3rd one feeling was different from the rest. I don’t why but maybe like what I said this feeling cant be explained it just come to you naturally without you even knowing it. This feeling came to me when I was with her and I was so strong that I knew it was her that I really want. It was her that I willing to leave everything behind and just follow this feeling. It was her that made feel how to love someone so unconditionally. It was her that made me skip a heart bite whenever I am close to her. And it was her who torn my heart apart……….However this feeling always seems to there I just can stop having this feeling around esp when I am think of her.

I tot by keeping myself busy by activities and meeting new girls will help me slowly forget about her and move on. I wrote that I was so happy after another weekend, YA! YA! Am I really happy and satisfied with myself? Every weekend seems to missing something. The long train ride to Bedok and the bus ride to her house, late night supper with her mother and aunts, gossip and small talk with her cousin, the licking and jumping of her 2 adorable dogs, the long talks on the bed before we fall asleep, the afternoon breakfast cos the 2 lazy cant wake up…… suddenly all this seems to be missing. But the biggest part that was missing and still missing now is her.

Many times I tot getting over a relationship is not that tough but I was wrong. Esp when u are so in love with the other partner, the world seems like it had fallen apart. Everyday I am waiting patiently for that one day I mentioned earlier in other posting. Will this one day really come or will I just be waiting in vain. Or should I just force myself to think it is all over. Or maybe I should lie to myself that that day is coming and it will come. How long can I wait I really don’t know. Is it worth it? I really have no answer and I am just as confused.

Anyway this vday will be just another normal day. Probably I will head back to my messy room and tuck myself in bed. I will try not to think about what I actually planned to do to surprised her on our 2nd anniversary. I will try not to think about how happy she will react when she saw it. I will try not to imagine how that night will be. I wll try not to think what will she give me in return. I will try not to…. I will try, I will try real hard I promise…………

This song is specially for her and I really mean it.

Imagine that your heart would beat for me
you know that I'm waiting patiently
till you're by my sideevery day;
every nightbaby
you're the one I need can't you see
you know my heart is beating just for you
baby I don't seem to find the clue
to be by your sideevery day and every night
but I feel my heart is aching without you

Maybe I'll be the one
if you want me here to stay
Maybe I'll be the one
to guide you all the way
No I'm never gonna hurt you
you're always on my mind
and I'll be the one untill the end of time

Sure there is a way for you and me
together and forever it will be
I'll be by your side
every day and every night
but I'll feel my heart is aching without you
Maybe I'll be the one
if you want me here to stay
Maybe I'll be the one
to guide you all the way
No I'm never gonna hurt you
you're always on my mind
and I'll be the one until the end of time


I'll the one if u want me really.....